Love at First Sight

Hi world! Cadadoodle's Mommy popping on here...I am stealing the soapbox from Cadadoodle for the night (she is in bed anyways). It is late, please forgive my rambling.

How is it that someone so tiny can so totally steal your heart? I mean babies take WAY more than they ever give back. From the first moment you hold them, you can be more in love with another person than you ever thought possible! And you never stop loving them so much, no matter how old (or difficult) they get. Even though you feel so much love, when you have more babies, your heart doesn't have trouble loving each one of them just as much! I have realized that having Cadadoodle has made me love my older kids even more, and made my step kids more connected to me. Now how does THAT work? (Shhh! Don't tell the older kids that, they all think Cadadoodle is my favorite, can't let them get to thinking they are special! heehee)

When my first baby was born,
I was shocked at how beautiful he was. I could not stop watching him. It was the same with his 2 brothers. The first time he smiled at me was the happiest moment I can remember. He didn't stop smiling either. His younger brothers were never as smiley but when you got a smile from them, it made you feel so warm and special. Cadadoodle started smiling in her sleep at a day old. She is the happiest of all my babies.  She will watch me as I doodle about the house and smile as soon as she catches my eye. Tonight at dinner, sitting in her bumbo at the table like a big girl, she watched everyone in the conversation with interest and managed to engage each person in eye contact and graced them with a huge smile. Her brother, Cute boy #3, was sitting closest and was laughing, she full out belly giggled like she understood and thought he was the funniest person!

Each of my babies had (and still do) their own way of facing the world. Cute Boy #1 was so headstrong and stubborn. He had to do everything himself. Cute Boy #2 was so easy going but insisted "NO! I Hurkulees!" He was the kid you had to take the costume off of in his sleep, wash and put it back on before he woke up to avoid an identity crisis. Cute Boy #3 hated wearing socks. I drove a school bus when he was 2 and had to put tights on under his pants so he couldn't get them off and freeze his feet. Cadadoodle is just showing her personality but even before she was born, she was a dancer. If you played "Inner Ninja" by Classified, you could see her dance across my belly. Now, the song will stop her from fussing and she will dance no matter how hungry she is or squidgy her bum is.

As my boys got older, they each had their own challenges, but each age has its own querks. My least favorite is 8 year olds. At or around the age of 8 each of my off spring have become turtles. They lived inside their own head and moved slower than molasses in January! And the attitude! I am sorry for the spoiler alert but by this age, you with be looking back fondly on the terrible twos, with nostaliga on the trying threes and wishing you didnt push them to develop so quickly as infants! There is hope! The egg timer eights soon turn into the nice nines! Although the trudge through this age is arduous and you feel as though you really DO walk them to school 9 miles through waist high snow, up hill both ways, a Moms heart still loves.

On the flipside, this is the time when they come out with ideas and thoughts that make you proud! Eight year olds can be very profound thinkers. They stretch their sense of humor. This is the age that Cute Boy #3 discovered he was something called a "ginger" and has reveled in the fact that he can steal the souls of those around him. My step son is 8 right now and pointed out (oh so helpfully) this morning that my butt infact DOES look fat in these jeans! I think it also may have been around this age that Cute Boy #1 told a cashier, while shopping with my mom, "My gramma is really FAT!" The cashier was taken aback and said "oh I dont think she is really that fat." He replied so seriously, gesturing towards said Gramma, "Well, look at her!"

The teenage years. Hmmm I don't even know what to say! I must be blocking them! lol Teenagers must be hardwired to act this way so that when they tell you they are moving out, you say "Can I get you some boxes?". Anyone who tells you that teenagers do not need Mom at home full time is in denial or had a saint for a teenager! They are too old for daycare to take them but are more dangerous to themselves than a toddler! Have you ever tried to enforce a grounding from work? Doesn't work so well. Cute Boy #1 lost his smile for awhile there. It was replaced by a "I hate the world and you are the worst mom I ever had! Why cant you just leave me alone!" scowl. He moved out at 18. I still don't know who his other moms were, but they didn't really help much with the housework! Cute Boys 2 and 3 are still in this phase, at 17 and 12. They seem to have a bit more grace and humor although for the life of me I can't understand why they don't think I am funny! I crack myself up!

What I find difficult to reconcile in my mind is that while I am holding my long awaited baby girl in my arms, I can be mesmerized by my now 20 year old Cute boy #1 telling me all about how his sub woofer in his tricked out car works. It doesn't matter what he is talking about, the few times I see him I seem to drink in just being around him. (ACK! I have become the Mom that wishes her kids would just CALL!) I wonder at how we got through those difficult years and came out so mature and self reliant. I dread the time when Cadadoodle goes through it. It might just break my heart if she says those things, makes those choices that cause her pain. For now, she smiles big enough to melt my heart when she sees me and cute boy #1 has his smile back and it is as dazzling to me as it was when he was a few weeks old.